


the love between us

by primasveraas



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Coming Out, Finnpoe - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, finn comes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22530889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primasveraas/pseuds/primasveraas
Summary: After a lifetime with the First Order, there is no word for what it means for a man to love another man. When Finn leaves, Poe changes his life- and his fundamental understanding of love and attraction. It's only a matter of time before this must be addressed between them.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 139





	the love between us

Beside him, Finn bounces his leg up and down anxiously. Poe notices, of course, as he always does whenever Finn seems uncomfortable, but he says nothing.

Finn’s nervousness is not unusual. When he first joined the Resistance, an apprehensive air surrounded him constantly, as if the former Stormtrooper believed himself to be an intruder on the base, soon to be cast out and rejected again. Poe had urged him to confide in him or Rey about his doubts, but quickly came to learn that Finn would always confide in Poe, even if it took him a few days to organize his thoughts first.

Yet, as Poe reminds himself to give Finn time, the other man reviews the words he wants to say. It’s hard to think straight, with his heart pounding in his ears, but he takes a deep breath and remembers.

The affection Finn had experienced upon leaving the First Order was strange and would have even seemed unnatural had he not immediately met Poe and Rey, who presented their causal love and adoration as the most normal thing in the universe. They had enveloped him with warmth and kindness, and he was reborn the day he met them both. As much as abandoning the First Order was his own journey, his new friends were the beacons of light that showed him the way to the first home he ever truly knew.

Yet it was so new to Finn, who still had loved them instantly and unabashedly. The unfamiliarity of it all made it difficult to name and quantify his feelings because friendship did not quite describe these bonds.

And Poe, especially Poe, is different.

He knows Rey is the best friend he’ll ever have. Their understanding of each other is unique and inexplicably deep; their relationship had formed as they entered a galactic conflict as rebels, as people finally free to experience society not as outcasts or soldiers, but as real people. Rey gives him wonderful hugs and makes him laugh and smile with just a few words, and she’ll grab his hand to go exploring on the Resistance base because she wants to see the broad array of life out in the forests and lakes. She has beautiful, untempered curiosity and wonderment, and this makes her all the more special to Finn.

Poe is similar in many ways. He hugs Finn close and always ensures that Finn is happy and content with the Resistance. Poe holds Finn’s hand whenever Finn needs reassurance, and Poe has made it his special mission to show Finn all that he missed during his upbringing in the First Order.

But the differences stand out too. When the two men hug, Finn can’t help but notice Poe’s scent (x-wing grease and caf), and he never wants their contact to end, no matter the context of their embrace. Finn is hyper-aware when their bodies are pressed up against each other, a fact that consistently starts to make heat flush across his cheeks. He also fixates on the sensation of Poe’s palm against his, of his rough callouses from years of flying and shooting blasters, whenever they hold hands. When they have meals together, and Finn has the luxury of sitting across from Poe, he quietly observes the shape of the other man’s jaw, of the stubble that appears between lunch and dinner, or of the slight beard that begins to grow during the more stressful days of the war, when Poe neglects both to sleep and shave. Finn likes when Poe runs his fingers through his own hair, letting his curls spring free, and the casualness with which Poe displays his handsomeness. He likes it when Poe curses in the native language of Yavin IV, or when he regales Finn with stories of his upbringing, describing his mother and father, their heroism in the days of the original Rebellion. On these occasions, Poe exhibits a rare vulnerability, expressing his dreams to be as great as his parents one day, gently confiding his hopes and dreams in Finn. It’s something tender passed between them, and Finn knows to cherish these instances; oftentimes, they are the happy thought that carries him off to a peaceful sleep.

Finn likes all of these things about Poe, so much so that when he thinks about them too much, a tightness swells in his chest, restricting his breathing and consuming his emotions to the point where Finn feels like he’s going to cry. He wouldn’t be able to explain it if he did: whether he’d be crying from joy or frustration or sadness, he’d never know. He likes so much about Poe- no. Not _likes_.

Finn loves Poe. Finn loves every aspect of the other man, every physical detail, every movement and act of compassion that he’s ever seen from the pilot. In the First Order, there was no word for it, no description of what it meant for a man to love another man, so Finn was anguished and dismissive until the dam inside him burst. He couldn’t deny it anymore, he couldn’t dismiss the strength of the love in his heart. It’s almost by accident that he sees it, and discovers that same-sex couples are supported and celebrated with the Resistance, but Finn surpasses his initial surprise, and everything clicks into place. His bond with Poe is more than friendship, more than casual affection. Having a word for it, an intelligible feeling to describe his emotions, makes him feel so much better, and relief overwhelms him. Now he knows; this is a fact that cannot be explained or swept away. Finn loves Poe with the whole of his being and this is the strongest, most immutable force in the galaxy.

Finn inhales, then exhales, forcing the air out through his mouth slowly. His throat feels sticky, but he’s made up his mind. After wiping the sweat off his palm, Finn reaches out to hold Poe’s hand.

The pilot hesitates, surprised, but clutches Finn’s fingers back, smiling gently. His brow is pinched with worry, so Finn speaks before Poe can.

“Poe,” he says, and although his anxiety may swallow him whole, he is glad that is voice is steady and calm, “you might already know this, cause it hasn’t always been easy to hide, but…”

There’s no turning back, Finn knows. He’s begun, and it will follow them both until he finishes, and probably long after, no matter how Poe responds. Subconsciously, he taps his fingers against his thigh, exuding his nervous energy. Finn thinks of Poe and his gentle kindness and understands that Poe loves him even if he doesn’t love Finn in the same way that Finn loves Poe. It will hurt, but it will be enough. Above all else, Finn is ready to say it.

“I’m in love with you,” Poe is squeezing his hand tightly, eyes shining and soft. “I didn’t know how to say it, or even what I felt at first, but I do. More than anything or anyone else in the universe.”

Silence hangs between them; Poe’s mind is racing, and Finn can see it in the way his eyes crinkle and his mouth twitches as Poe clearly tries and fails to maintain a neutral expression. But Finn is free, a weight soaring off his chest, and he is relieved. Whatever lies ahead is beyond his control, but he has said his part, even if Poe is about to break his heart.

Poe’s mouth opens, then closes. Finn realizes that he probably should have provided more context, or begun with something else, but Poe clears his throat, and asks: “Can I kiss you?”

His hands are shaking, now raised and hovering about Finn’s face, asking silent permission to hold him, to bring their lips together. In reply, Finn nods, already leaning in, and Poe does, slow and patient at first, then hungry as the moment sets in. Poe pulls Finn close to him, slinging his legs across Finn’s lap, pressing their bodies together. It is desperate, and Finn understands what it is to want, to _need_ another person. His fingers find Poe’s dark curls, and all he knows is the softness of Poe’s hair, and the plushness of their lips against each other, the warmth of Poe’s body, and the tingles of joy spreading from his stomach to his very fingertips.

Then, Poe runs his tongue along Finn’s bottom lip, and Finn, after making an initial noise of surprise, leans in further. They don’t separate until a small eternity has passed; they are both breathless and there is heat in their cheeks. Finn wants more, he never wishes for this moment to end, but Poe is still close and half slung over him, and he loves Finn too, and it is wonderful.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Poe says, and now he’s smiling, flashing the gorgeous grin that Finn first fell for, when he came undone on the _Finalizer_ of all places. It only took seconds, and he was hopelessly lost to the other man.

A skeptical eyebrow raises. “Actually, I bet I do, Dameron.”

Poe laughs, slinging an arm around Finn’s back so that he can rest his head on his beloved’s shoulder. There’s no better sound, not one more musical or that lifts Finn’s spirits as Poe’s laugh does, and it’s infectious. They’re both grinning like fools, and they’re happy.

Later on, Finn will explain his decision, his confession, the depths of his feelings and the confusion that they imparted. Poe will listen, offer advice, his own experiences with love and desire, and Finn will know, more certainly than ever before, that he has found his home.

But now, tangled in Poe’s embrace, there is nothing but each other, and the love between them.

**Author's Note:**

> Requested/cross-posted on tumblr. As much as this is finnpoe, it's also very much a short exploration of the gay journey- all the ups and downs and confusion of figuring things out then saying it out loud. I hope you enjoyed it!


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